Sidequests: Eternally for Chumps
We head into Zakera Ward. On the way to the warehouse, we overhear two krogan arguing about something. Me: One of those guys thinks that the reflecting pool here has fish in it. Mom: Okay. Me: Do you want to find out if it does for him? Mom: …Why would I want to waste my time doing that? Me: Fair enough. We head on downstairs and come across a volus, a quarian, and a C-Sec officer...
We grab Garrus and Jack (obviously, we need her killing expertise) and head for the Citadel for the first time since recruiting Kasumi. We run into some trouble on our way in from the docking bay. Me: They’re having trouble processing our ID because we died at the beginning. Mom: Yeah yeah, I remember. Me: Why don’t I believe you. We manage to get through the security checkpoint...
An Eye For an Eye
Me: Alright, so we’ve gotta do some missions before the IFF is installed. We can Investigate Project Overlord, Inspect the Normandy Crash Site, recruit The Justicar or The Assassin, Help Zaeed, or we an go see what Garrus, Tali, or Mordin want to talk to us about. Mom: Why do we care what they want? Me: Because they probably want us to do missions with them. Mom: But I don’t feel...
An Open Letter
Me: Okay, so last time we played, we stole a piece of software that will allow us to travel to the enemy’s homeworld. It’s going to take a long time to fully install though, so we need to do some missions to kill some time. Mom: Can’t we kill time at the bar? Me: We can go to a bar if you want but that doesn’t make time pass at all. Mom: What?! That’s stupid. You...
Setting Up for a Sequel
Me: I’m playing a really interesting game right now called The Walking Dead. It’s sort of a survivalism thing. Like for instance right now I only have four rations of food and I have to figure out how to divvy them up amongst ten people. Mom: If you need help you know that I know how to handle these situations. Me: Maybe we’ll talk about doing The Momlking Dead after we...
We head into the AI Core, where the disabled Geth is laid out on a table. We activate a barrier around the table and have EDI switch it on. The Geth rises to its feet and calmly greets us. It does not appear to have violent intentions. We continue to speak with it, and after a bit of cultural misunderstanding, we decide to give it the nickname Legion. Legion is interested in helping us combat...
A Dark Day in Mom Effect History
I blow the Reaper’s core and the entire thing starts to fall. We’ve got to get back to the Normandy, and fast. We grab the deactivated Geth and book it back to the exit. Mom: Wait why are we taking him? Me: Well, Jack is saying he might be worth a lot of money. Mom: Hmph. The Reaper sinks into the depths of the Brown Dwarf as we get back to the Normandy just in time. In the...
After an embarrassing display, I finally break through the army of husks and into the area beyond. We manage to secure the IFF, and now the only thing left to do is blow up the Reaper’s core do disable its forcefields. The mysterious talking Geth is already in the reactor room, working on a console. It attempts to fight off the Husks closing in on it but it’s soon overwhelmed. Dad:...
Proceeding through the next area, I get cornered by a Scion and some Abominations and get killed. Mom is displeased. I reload and try again, but once again make a mistake and get killed. Mom: You really suck at this game. Me: Shush! This time, I cloak and try to bypass all the enemies and hack the door. Cloak ends up running out right between two Scions and I die again. Dad: How many tries...
We head deeper into the derelict Reaper. A Geth is positioned with a sniper rifle and we’re in its sights. Mom: You’re getting me killed again! The Geth adjusts its aim at the last second and shoots a Husk behind us. Dad: No, see, he’s helping you. Mom: Oh.
A Valid Inquiry
As we continue deeper into the Reaper, we’re swarmed by Husks. Mom: God knows you have to run, because you’ve got to run everywhere. Me: We’re being swarmed by zombies! Mom: Where’s that science team anyway. Me: I think this is them. We continue to fight through masses of zombies. Mom: Why were there so many people on this science team? Me: …You know what, I...
A Dead God Still Dreams
We head into the Cerberus lab that’s been attached to the Reaper’s hull. There’s no sign of the research team that had been sent ahead of us, but video logs suggest that they were undergoing mysterious psychological problems. Me: Both of these scientists have a memory of the same wife. Mom: They’re both lying.
The Derelict Reaper
The Normandy flies into orbit of the brown dwarf. The ship is thrown violently, and Joker says that the high winds are creating too much turbulence. Dad: Winds?! We’re in space! What, did someone fart? Me: We’re in the atmosphere of a small star, it’s solar wind. Dad: Oh.
Before heading for the derelict Reaper, we decide to check in on Jacob. He’s in a sober mood after the experience on the Collector ship. We talk with him about what happened with his father, and he tells us to forget about it, that he’d rather focus on the present, like us or the mission. Mom: Tell me more about me. Jacob laughs. He’s attracted to us, but doesn’t want...
We gather the crew in the meeting room to discuss what we’ve learned about the dead Reaper. Miranda takes her position at Shepard’s right hand. Mom: What the hell is she doing here. Me: She’s still your first officer. Mom: She’s a bitch. EDI’s data-mining reveals that the Collector homeworld is located in the galactic core, a hazardous, chaotic zone filled with...
Stars That Didn't Quite Make It
We link up with the Illusive Man to give him a piece of our minds for luring us into a trap. …Well, no we don’t. Mom doesn’t care. We link up with him because that’s the thing that happens next. Dad: What’s wrong with that guy’s eyes? Me: He’s got robot-ey— Mom: He’s stoned. See the joint he’s got? Dad: He’s smokin’ a...