May 2012
49 posts
4 tags
Just Like Old Times
We arrive on Illium and head for the the bar. After throwing back a few drinks with the first bartender that’s willing to just give us alcohol without talking to us, we head to the back to speak with Miranda’s contact. On the way we bump into an asari and and a quarian, discussing what they’re going to do about the quarian’s indentured servitude contract.
Me: So this...
4 tags
The Prodigal
Miranda goes on to explain that she thinks that her father may have located her twin sister, Oriana, and that she wants to have the family relocated to keep her from getting her hands on her.
Mom: So her dad’s there?
Me: Her dad’s coming. If things go well then you’ll avoid him.
Mom: Wellllll maybe I’ll try and stall things so I can see him again.
5 tags
Here We Go Again
Mom: Do you know why I really hate Miranda?
Me: Why do you really hate Miranda.
Mom: She’s my illegitimate daughter.
Me: …What?
Mom: Yep. I was a total slut, and I had to give her up. And she reminds me of a past that I’m ashamed of so I have to kill her.
Me: Isn’t… isn’t she a little old to be your daughter?
Mom: No way. [Shepard] is about 40....
4 tags
Ulterior Motives
Me: Alright, so now Mordin that doctor scientist guy wants help with something.
Mom: You know I don’t care! The only things that are important are the cash, the men, and killing Miranda.
Me: Mordin’s a man! A… lizard… man…
Mom: Exactly.
Me: Alright, well here’s what we can do now. We can go investigate Project Overlord, we can help Zaeed kill that...
6 tags
Seasonal Decoration
Mom: Since today’s Mother’s Day I better get a crown and roses on the website.
Me: Okay.
We boot up the game and load our save.
Me: So when we left off, we had just helped Jack take care of some personal business. We helped her blow up the laboratory where she was tortured and experimented upon as a child.
Mom: We already did that!
Me: …Right, it’s what happened last...
4 tags
Oh man!
I am not on Twitter so I did not realize that the official Mass Effect Twitter linked to us! That is hilarious and awesome.
We’ve been getting ready for a big move, so pretty much since we started ME2 the updates have been gradually slowing down and right now we’re going at a pretty sluggish pace. If everything goes according to plan, we’ll be moved into our new place by next...
7 tags
Trend Analysis
Me: I dunno what the heck happened, but we’ve got about 30 followers today. We’ve been sitting at about 900 for over a week and now we’re up to 936.
Mom: It’s because of all the compassion I showed for my pal Jack.
Me: I… dunno about that. You made her kill a guy.
Mom: Yeah.
Me: She didn’t seem that into it.
Mom: Look I need her in peak condition....
5 tags
Making Mama Proud
As we head deeper into the laboratory, we run into a group of Blood Pack mercenaries. Someone named Aresh has hired them to work security for him in exchange for salvaging equipment from the lab. We take them out and head into Jack’s old cell to confront their boss.
Aresh explains that he was one of the other children in Teltin. Clearly unbalanced and traumatized, he says that he refuses...
4 tags
Subject Zero
We take the shuttle down to the surface of Pragia. Jack starts to get cold feet about returning to the laboratory.
Mom: Oh, suck it up.
We head into the Teltin Facility and begin to explore the ruins.
Mom: Why does she even care about this? There’s nothing here!
Me: She wants to blow it up.
Mom: Why?
We continue to explore the facility and find several audio logs detailing the...
3 tags
Inappropriate Language
Back on the ship, we find out that Jack now wants to talk about something. Mom is happy to go see what she wants.
Jack is extremely agitated. In looking through the ship’s Cerberus files, she found the location of the Teltin facility where she was tortured and experimented upon as a child. She wants to go there and plant a bomb to destroy the facility, to finally achieve catharsis and...
5 tags
The Subtle Art of Romance
Back on the Normandy, Jacob is angrily speaking with The Illusive Man, demanding to know who leaked the information about the Gernsback. The Illusive Man is just as in the dark as Jacob, and is not at all happy that he’s lost a valuable piece of leverage over Taylor. Miranda suddenly enters the room and reveals that she was the one in responsible.
Mom: That bitch!
Me: …
Miranda...
4 tags
Ronald Taylor
We fight through the rest of Ronald Taylor’s defense and confront the man himself. Since it’s been ten years he doesn’t immediately recognize Jacob, and Mom takes that as evidence of her theory that he’s not even Jacob’s dad.
Taylor explains his despicable actions as best he can. He explains that the distress beacon was damaged in the crash, and because of how long...
4 tags
Deeper Down the Rabbit Hole
Mom: You know this isn’t even Jacob’s real father. But that’s a story for another time.
Me: No no, please go on.
Mom: He was made in a petri dish too.
Me: You know you’re really going to that well a lot. They can’t ALL come from petri dishes.
Mom: That’s why he’s black. They left him in there too long and he got overcooked.
I bury my face in my...
4 tags
The Crew of the Hugo Gernsback
Investigating the wreckage of the ship, we discover that it’s entirely possible that the crew could have survived. We also find a VI that sheds a little more light on the situation. The Gernsback’s captain was killed in the crash, and Jacob’s father, Ronald Taylor, was made into the new captain. He also warns us that the food on the planet is toxic, and eating it can cause a...
4 tags
The Gift of Greatness
Jacob explains that someone in the Cerberus network recently leaked some very interesting information to him. Ten years ago, his father’s ship, the Hugo Gernsback, went missing, and the entire crew was presumed dead. Recently, however, the Gernsback’s distress signal has been broadcasting from the uncharted world of 2175 Aeia. It’s most likely just an automated system, but...
3 tags
Protocol
We head down to talk to Jacob. He apologizes about how he’s been a little distracted lately with a personal, and promises that it won’t affect his performance.
Shepard: If it’s affecting my crew then it’s my business.
Jacob: Sir!
Mom: Sir?
Me: Jacob’s a military kind of guy.
Mom: I am NOT a sir.
Me: It’s the official terminology, it’s got nothing...
5 tags
Sidequests Could Maybe Possibly Not Be for...
Me: So Miranda and Jacob both have something they’d like to speak with us about.
Mom: Bleh.
Me: We also have a message coming in.
Mom: Let’s check that.
It’s a call coming in from Admiral Hackett, that old douchebag we blew off in the last game. He tells us that a covert operative and personal friend of his has been imprisoned on a remote batarian colony, convicted of...
3 tags
Accountability
Me: So last time we played, we ran back into Kaidan, your “old boyfriend,” and things didn’t go so well.
Mom: Don’t call him my old boyfriend! He’s still my boyfriend!
Me: That’s… not how it seemed at the time! Sorta seemed to me like you were through with him.
Mom: Nah.
Me: Listen, I’ve got the whole thing documented right here! You said, and...
5 tags
The Definition of Insanity
Me: So, do you have any idea what the plot of this game is?
Mom: No.
Me: You have no clue about who you’re fighting or what your goals are.
Mom: Well my GOAL is to kill Miranda.
Me: That’s not really what I meant.
Mom: Then no, I haven’t got the slightest clue.
Me: Okay, well the main bad guys are called the Reapers, and—
Mom: Are you really going to waste time...
4 tags
“From now on when I don’t like someone I’m going to call them...”
