Mass Effect 2, According to Mom, According to Me

Now that our long, harrowing, slow-updating trek through Mass Effect 2 is over, it would be valuable to take stock and try to figure out exactly what in God’s name my mother imagines the story of Mass Effect 2 to be.

If you’ll recall, we learned in Mass Effect 1 that The Illusive Man is Kaidan’s older brother, and CEO of the Calvin Klein corporation. When blue-jeans sales in the Terminus Systems colonies began to plummet, he discovered that it was because the Collectors were abducting humans for some unknown purpose. With his vast resources and keen business acumen, he determined that they were working with the Reapers, an ancient race of machines that are planning to eradicate galactic civilization and throw the fashionable blue-jeans industry into turmoil. His right-hand woman Miranda Lawson tells him the simple fact that neither of them want to admit: the only hope for the future of the company is to bring Miranda’s mother, Robyn Shepard, back from the dead.

Decades ago, Cerberus instituted a program to genetically engineer new agents. They infiltrated the science department of Virmire Community College, where they used the students as a source of cheap, quiet labor. Donnell Udina and Benezia T’Soni were two such students. The project led to many artificially produced or “petri dish” life forms, including Jacob Taylor, Saren Arterius, the Thorian, and even a new Rachni Queen. Working with Warlord Okeer, they also developed a means to mass-produce krogan soldiers, working around the genophage to create a new breed of subservient krogan soldier. Experiments continued on Virmire while Okeer headed to Korlus for a new development in krogan biology: presumably by combining krogan and thresher maw DNA, he was able to develop krogan that could grow from mere spores. Okeer pretended to develop this technology for the Blue Suns mercenary group, in order to use their funds to finance the project and keep his experiments off of Calvin Klein’s books.

One such “petri dish” experiment was a project labeled “Robyn Shepard.” The pinnacle of human potential, Shepard would one day mature into an unstoppable supersoldier, charismatic enough to serve as a spokesman for the corporation, strong enough to exert Calvin Klein’s will through force in the uncivilized swathes of the galaxy, and beautiful enough to work as a model.

Unfortunately, the experiment was a failure. Though Shepard possessed many of the traits that she was intended to, she was also highly unstable. Her learning abilities, attention span, and empathy were all far below normal human levels. While the other experiments were sent out into the galaxy to serve as soldiers and sleeper agents, Shepard was sent to earth, where she was kept in a CK-owned blue-jeans factory, where she was looked after by a “sister.” Whether this person was a genetically engineered caretaker or simply a volunteer that adopted the young bastardization of science is unknown. 

Cerberus hoped that Robyn Shepard could one day develop into the asset they designed her to be, but her destructive and rebellious nature made this possibility ever-more remote. At a young age, she fell in with a local gang, The Reds. By age 13, she was selling her body, using Calvin Klein’s connections to gain access to such elite clientele as Henry Lawson.

As we know from the events of Mass Effect 1, the state of affairs on Earth soon fell to pieces. Shepard’s “sister” became romantically involved with one of The Illusive Man’s brothers, while another brother, Kaidan Klein, murdered them both. Kaidan’s motivations remain unclear. Is he truly the unhingend sociopath that Robyn Shepard believes him to be? Or did he simply wish to escape the paramilitary/overpriced clothing empire he had inherited, and enlisted in the Alliance to find some way to atone for his and his family’s sins? It would explain why he is so angry that Shepard has chosen of her own volition to continue working with Cerberus. Perhaps we will finally discover his underlying motivations during the course of Mass Effect 3.

After defeating Saren, Shepard was killed by an ambush from a Collector ship. With no other choice, Cerberus revives her, hoping that her passion for revenge will assist in keeping her focused on killing the Collectors, rather than themselves. In order to keep her satisfied, The Illusive Man provides Shepard with a sizeable paycheck, a highly equipped ship, and surrounds her with specialists, most of which are selected due to the low likelihood that Shepard would attempt to murder them. These included: her former pilot and occasional love interest Jeff “Joker” Moreau; her fellow genetic supersoldier Jacob Taylor; her “baby brother,” the experimental krogan prototype known as Grunt; Jack, another Cerberus experiment and fellow violent sociopath; and her daughter, Miranda Lawson.

This final decision proved to be a serious miscalculation. Shepard’s contempt for her daughter utterly dwarfed that of the Collectors, and while she ultimately did accomplish the mission with which she had been tasked, her constant attempts to murder Miranda led to the operation being carried out in an even sloppier and more reckless fashion than Shepard’s usual output. Dozens of Cerberus officers, along with many highly talented and highly paid specialists and experts, were killed while assaulting the Collector base. Even worse, in a final fit of rebellion Shepard destroyed the base and finally succeeded in murdering her daughter. The commander hijacked the vessel and the remaining Cerberus crew and departed for parts unknown. Had Miranda been omitted from the Normandy SR-2’s crew, the mission likely would have cost Cerberus far less time and money.

Some readers might read the above paragraphs and suggest that, for instance, none of this makes a lick of fucking sense. Timelines don’t seem to add up, character motivations seem to contradict actions depicted in the story, and much of it seems to go against established Mass Effect canon. Some might suggest that these issues can be attributed to my mother not particularly giving a shit and just making up nonsense as we go along in a desperate bid to find entertainment in something she finds fundamentally boring. However, the more cultured among you will realize that such an opinion is naive and ignorant of the vast literary depth of the narrative that my mother has constructed.

The so-called “Indoctrination Theory” for the ending of Mass Effect 3 gained a large amount of popularity when it was first conceived (though I’m personally a bigger fan of the Intoxication Theory). If we as a fanbase have already accepted the possibility that some events depicted in the Mass Effect series may not be what they appear on the surface, then why has this interpretative lens not been applied to Mass Effect 2? Allow me to present the Mental Illness Theory of Mass Effect 2.

Shepard frequently sees similarities to herself in other characters. She claims that she looks similar to both Miranda and Grunt. Most perplexingly of all, at one point she mistakes the Horizon colonist Lilith for herself. As The Illusive Man himself informs us at the start of the game, “the patterns are there, buried in the data.”

Robyn Shepard suffers from a severe crisis of identity and a shattered psyche. Inconsistencies with the plot presented to us are the result of Shepard being a mentally unstable and unreliable narrator.

Shepard frequently expresses feelings of jealousy toward Miranda. She claims that they look alike, but also seems to acknowledge that she’s a more attractive woman. What’s important to realize is that Miranda represents an aspect of Shepard’s personality, her potential as a temptress and capable Cerberus operative. She simultaneously craves from the depths of her heart to be Miranda, and hates the idea of accepting a destiny that has been forced upon her by external sources. She dreams of greatness but wants to defy the expectations that others have established for her.

Enter Jack, The Convict. The opposite of Miranda in every way, Jack’s motives seem to mirror Shepard’s. At a young age she escaped from Cerberus and ever since has acted as a criminal and rebel, determined to reject any limitations on her imposed by society. Jack also represents a facet of Robyn Shepard, her potential to defy society’s rules and forge her own path, destroying any that would deny her this right. This is why Jack is the only female that Shepard befriends. She admires Jack, and unlike Miranda these feelings are not accompanied by jealousy.

Unfortunately, it eventually becomes clear that Jack’s way is also not a path to happiness. Jack is a broken individual carrying a vast amount of emotional trauma, and in spite of her tough exterior she will never be able to escape the pain in her heart. While becoming Jack will fulfill Shepard’s basic desires, it also represents a forfeiture of hope. Because of this, Shepard is constantly torn between which woman she will become, Jack or Miranda.

Shepard identifies Grunt as a “baby brother,” and even claims that they have a family resemblance. She feels obligated to protect and care for him, and yet in spite of this she doesn’t seem to actually like him all that much. The reason is clear. Grunt is everything that Shepard fears becoming, an ugly, brutish killing machine designed to fight for reasons she neither understands nor cares about, but that she cannot reject lest she lose any purpose in life. Grunt obtaining his own purpose through the Tuchanka Rite of Passage is the first glimmer of hope on her path to self-actualization.

While visiting Horizon, Shepard lays eyes on a colonist named Lilith, walking with Kaidan Alenko, a man whom she once tried to become romantic with. For a moment, Shepard believes herself to be Lilith, and imagines living an ideal life with Kaidan in the beautiful fields of Horizon. Lilith represents an ideal that Shepard strives for, a life of peace and happiness defined on her own terms. The idyllic moment is cut short, however, when the Collectors and their Seeker swarms descend upon the colony, representing the turmoil in Shepard’s soul that prevents her dream from becoming reality. Shepard continues to perceive a happy, quiet life of love and happiness as an impossibility, such as when she sees two confused men argue about which of them has a beautiful and loving wife and claims that both men are liars.

Throughout her quest to defeat the Collectors, Shepard is anchored by one man. Jacob Taylor. Like herself, Jacob is a genetically engineered supersoldier, designed to serve Cerberus’ whim. Unlike Shepard, however, Jacob is a confident individual who is able to balance his personal desires with his own expectations. Even when confronted with Ronald Taylor, Jacob’s own personal demon, he weathers the emotional storm perfectly, and emerges from the ordeal victorious. While Jacob is not a facet of Shepard’s personality, he is an ideal that she aspires to, the ability to reconcile one’s desires with one’s role. He has accomplished what she has not, and she grows closer to him in an attempt to learn his secrets. Shepard’s nicknames for Taylor, “Dark Chocolate” and “Hot Chocolate,” are both symbolically significant as well. Dark Chocolate is said to work as a mild antidepressant, and Hot Chocolate is known for its ability to warm a cold body from the inside out.

The conflict between Shepard’s various ideals and conceptions of herself comes to a head when she heads to the galactic core to confront the Collectors once and for all. Throughout the aptly named “Suicide Mission,” the representations of Shepard are killed off one by one.

The first to die is the colonist Lilith. Shepard is forced to watch in horror as her hopes and dreams of peaceful, idyllic life are literally obliterated before her very eyes.

Grunt is the next to die, symbolizing that while Shepard has been denied the perfection that Lilith embodied, she has also grown enough to escape the grim fate that Grunt once represented. It’s worth noting that Grunt is not killed on-screen, but rather ascends into the sky. 

Jack is the next that is killed. As much as she wants to, Shepard can no longer accept the solution that Jack embodies. To reject everything is to embrace nothing, and Jack’s death reflects Shepard’s realization of this fact.

In the climax of the game, Jacob, the symbol of stability and self-determination, is sent sliding into a vast pit of darkness. Shepard barely manages to save him, and in doing so, saves herself. 

Miranda is the last aspect of Shepard to die. In saving Jacob and discarding Grunt, she has learned that she can forge her own path in life, and does not need to live by the expectations that others have attempted to impose on her. Her conflict regarding the Miranda persona is finally resolved, and she can shed her once and for all.

There are many more casualties during the Suicide mission. In fact, every female character dies during the course of it, with the exception of one: Tali’Zorah vas Normandy. A woman who has only recently come of age, Tali is an alien who has been stripped of her original surname, and has been forced to take on a new one that represents not who she is or who she wants to be, but merely her current place in life, fittingly, a powerful and versatile vehicle. She has worn a mask her entire life, and has never shown her true face to the world. She is the only facet of Shepard’s psyche that remains, and represents the potential that Shepard now has to “remove her mask” and reveal any person that she wishes to the world. It is this persona that Shepard carries with her into Mass Effect 3, where she will finally become her own, independent and self-defined person as she takes on the ultimate embodiment of her personal demons, The Reapers.

Also she has a hole cut out in the back of her shirt to allow for fart ventilation.

Preparing for the Final Push

Editor’s note: It is incredibly hard to find screenshots depicting a specific set of surviving crew members!

With friends lost and obstacles overcome, we now stand at the entrance to the base’s core. It’s time to choose our squadmates for the final fight.

Mom: I’m still pissed off about Jack.

Me: Maybe you should’ve been a better leader then.

Mom: HEY.

Me: Anyway, we can mourn the dead later. We’ve got a job to do! Who are we taking?

Mom: If we take Miranda can she die?

Me: …Yeah, okay I’ll throw you a bone. Yes, Miranda will die if we take her.

Mom: Finally. Then let’s take Miranda and Jacob.

Our two chose squadmates ascend the platform alongside us, and we prepare to venture into the belly of the beast, while what’s left of our crew hunkers down to defend the position.

The Infiltration

We crashland on the Collector base. The Normandy is heavily damaged, but it should be ready to make the return voyage once we’re done here. What we need now is a plan to break into the base. Shepard gathers the crew in the conference room.

Mom: What the hell is Miranda doing here?

Me: You did tell the whole crew to come here.

Mom: I thought she hated me now.

Me: She does, but that doesn’t mean she can blow off her job.

Mom: UGH.

EDI manages to assemble a blue print of the Collector base. We decide to split up into two teams, while another member of the crew sneaks in through the ventilation system to hack open a door.

Me: Okay, so what we have to do now is decide who we want to send into the vents. Jacob volunteered.

Mom: Wait, what do we need them to do?

Me: There’s a door that’s too sturdy to blast through. We need someone to sneak in and hack into the system to open it.

Mom: Okay. And it’s dangerous?

Me: Right.

Mom: Let’s send Miranda.

Me: We can’t.

Mom: What the hell?!

Me: We can send Tali, the masked alien girl—

Mom: I thought she just died!

Me: That was Kasumi. Different character. We can also send Mordin the doctor, Thane, the assassin we just recruited, Garrus, Jacob, or Legion, the robot.

Mom: Hm. Let’s send the robot.

Me: Legion? Okay, why do you pick him?

Mom: Well it’s a robot. It should be good at computer stuff.

Me: Okay, that’s… actually a reasonable explanation.

Mom: And who cares if it gets broken, it’s just a stupid robot.

Me: Oh.

Mom: And if he can’t hack the computer he can just open the door with his super robot strength.

Me: Oh.

A Dark Day in Mom Effect History

I blow the Reaper’s core and the entire thing starts to fall. We’ve got to get back to the Normandy, and fast. We grab the deactivated Geth and book it back to the exit.

Mom: Wait why are we taking him?

Me: Well, Jack is saying he might be worth a lot of money.

Mom: Hmph.

The Reaper sinks into the depths of the Brown Dwarf as we get back to the Normandy just in time.

In the conference room, Jacob and Miranda are debating what to do with the Geth. Jacob wants it destroyed before it can hack the Normandy and possibly kill everyone. Miranda, however, is suggesting that we turn it over to Cerberus in exchange for a considerable bounty.

Mom: Shut up Miranda.

Dad: Yeah, you haven’t had a hit in years, Michael!

Mom: He’s dead.

Dad: Oh, right.

Me: So do you want to hold onto the robot or let Miranda sell him for you for a lot of money? You can get a lot of cash for it.

Mom: We’ve already gone over this. I want to do the opposite of what Miranda wants. We’re keeping it.

We dismiss Jacob and Miranda and head down to the AI core.

Me: I’m surprised you decided not to sell him!

Mom: Why do you want me to so much? You’re trying to trick me aren’t you?

Me: No, I just thought you cared about the cash.

Mom: Eh, we have enough cash.

Me: What.

Mom: Well how much would we get for selling him?

Me: I think 50,000.

Mom: See? That’s chump change! That’s a drop in the bucket. Not worth it. And besides pissing off Miranda is more important than getting money.

Me: I never thought I’d live to see this day.

Further Gameplay Limitations

Back on the ship, a conflict between Miranda and Jack has broken out. Jack is hurling chairs and tempers are flaring on both sides. Mom is elated.

Shepard: Both of you calm down!

Mom: I would never say that! I don’t want them to calm down I want Jack to kill Miranda!

Both of them appeal to Shepard to side with them. Mom chooses Jack without even thinking about it.

Miranda is furious that she’s been undermined by Shepard. As we turn to leave, Shepard turns back to her.

Shepard: Are we good?

Miranda: Not even remotely.

She slams the door in our face.

Mom: What? THAT’S where we’re leaving it? She can’t talk to me that way! I’m the captain! I’m going to shoot her in the face!

I head back in and talk to her. Shepard and Miranda spit a few insults at one another and the conversation ends again.

Mom: Oh this is BULLSHIT.

Oriana

We take out the rest of the Eclipse mercenaries. Miranda is distraught. Her best friend betrayed her and she had killed him in retribution. Mom doesn’t care.

We make it to Oriana and her family, and watch from a distance to make sure that she’s safe. Miranda doesn’t want to go talk to her, believing that it would be dangerous.

Mom: You mean we went to all that trouble and you’re not even going to talk to her? Screw that! Go say “hi” and ask if she knows where her dad is.

Me: You have just not been paying any attention at all have you.

Mom: Of course not.

Miranda goes to chat with Oriana, and is optimistic when she comes back.

Mom: Alright, now let’s kill her. And let’s kill her sister too.

Me: What?! Why?

Mom: Uh, duh? Because she’s related to me?

Me: I’m gonna start locking my bedroom door at night.

Mom: I’m just turning into Little Miss Helper, aren’t I? I’ve been helping Jack, and Hot Chocolate, and now even Miranda!

Me: Well yeah, but remember your reason for that one.

Mom: So that Jack can kill her.

Me: I never said that.

Fighting Lawson’s Mercenaries

We find out from Miranda’s contact that her father has hired Eclipse to retrieve his daughter. Miranda’s oldest friend, Niket, is currently trying to meet up with the family to get them to safety.

Mom: Look at the family resemblance between us.

Me: …You do look vaguely similar.

Mom: Told ya.

Shepard: I’m ready to go when you are, Miranda.

Mom: UGH. I hate the way I’m talking to her now.

We take a car over to where the handoff is taking place, and are confronted with Eclipse mercenaries. They want to keep Miranda alive, but warn us that they have snipers in position. A Renegade Interrupt comes up.

Me: Do you want to do something mean?

Mom: How many times do I have to tell you to stop asking?

Ulterior Motives

Me: Alright, so now Mordin that doctor scientist guy wants help with something.

Mom: You know I don’t care! The only things that are important are the cash, the men, and killing Miranda.

Me: Mordin’s a man! A… lizard… man…

Mom: Exactly.

Me: Alright, well here’s what we can do now. We can go investigate Project Overlord, we can help Zaeed kill that gangleader, or we can go rescue the space admiral’s friend. Or we can head to Illium, where there’s a whole lot to do. We can go after the Shadow Broker, who like I told you before is kind of like a space mob boss, or—

Mom: Let’s do that.

Me: You want to? Okay. The only catch is, you have to team up with that blue girl from the first game that you hate.

Mom: Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! You were trying to trick me! And on Mother’s Day! 

Me: Okay, okay. We can also recruit “The Justicar” or “The Assassin,” or we could go see what Miranda or Mordin want.

Mom: Can we kill Miranda?

Me: No.

Mom: Can Jack kill Miranda?

Me: No. Well—okay. Here’s how it works. When we complete these favors we’re doing for people, it makes them “loyal” to us, which protects them from getting killed during the end.* So if you do Miranda’s mission, she can’t die. But, if you do both Jack’s AND Miranda’s, they’ll get into a fight, and you can side with Jack to strip Miranda of her protection.

Mom: Ooh! Let’s do that then!

Me: Alright.

*Yeah I know there’s more to it than that

Seasonal Decoration

Mom: Since today’s Mother’s Day I better get a crown and roses on the website.

Me: Okay.

We boot up the game and load our save.

Me: So when we left off, we had just helped Jack take care of some personal business. We helped her blow up the laboratory where she was tortured and experimented upon as a child.

Mom: We already did that!

Me: …Right, it’s what happened last time. Anyway, why don’t we go see how she’s doing?

Jack is still shaken up from the experience. The horrible things that took place on Pragia still haunt her.

Mom: Okay I am just about done with putting up with her whining. “Get over it.”

Jack appreciates Shepard’s harshness and refusal to let her feel like a victim.

Mom: See? We’re best buds.

Me: Apparently.

Mom: Now go kill Miranda.

Trend Analysis

Me: I dunno what the heck happened, but we’ve got about 30 followers today. We’ve been sitting at about 900 for over a week and now we’re up to 936.

Mom: It’s because of all the compassion I showed for my pal Jack.

Me: I… dunno about that. You made her kill a guy.

Mom: Yeah.

Me: She didn’t seem that into it.

Mom: Look I need her in peak condition. She’s gonna kill Miranda for me. And then she’s gonna kill Hotpants for me to get his money.

Me: I see. That way you’re not implicated.

Mom: Exactly. I’ll slip her a little something for her trouble.

Me: So how does Jacob fit into this?

Mom stares at me incredulously.

Mom: Uh… He’s my Hot Chocolate!