We successfully repair the AA guns and the Collector ship is forced to retreat. Unfortunately, the Collectors had already loaded up more than half the colonists before we even got here.

Mom: Ah well. Let’s go hit up a bar.

Me: Hey look, it’s your boyfriend!

Mom: How about that.

Me: He sounds like he’s mad that we haven’t contacted him in 2 years.

Mom: Of course he is!

We try to explain that we’ve been incapacitated for the past two years, and that we’re not actually loyal to Cerberus, we only have a temporary alliance with them. Kaidan isn’t hearing it. He’s enraged that we’d work with a terrorist organization and accuses us of being traitors. He turns to leave.

Me: Well, that didn’t go well. Do you want to ask him to join us.

Mom: No way. You’re a dead motherfucker now, Kaidan.

Garrus is brought to the Normandy medbay, and though his face is badly wounded he’s going to be alright. Mom decides to rib Garrus about how ugly he looks now, and cracks up at his glib response. Afterward, we go see Joker and mom totally loses it at the line about Garrus having a stick up his ass. Then we go talk to Garrus some more and he mentions upgrading the Normandy’s guns.

Mom: Do we need better guns?

Me: Garrus seems to think so.

Mom: How do we get them?

Me: We’ve got to go recruit Mordin the scientist first.

Mom: Then I guess let’s get on that.

What is happening she is working with the game on its own terms I don’t understand what’s going on nothing makes sense anymore.

The three of us make it to the hangar and open the doors. We’re greeted by Miranda, who instantly shoots Wilson in the head.

Mom: Ah-hah! SHE’s the traitor!

Unfortunately we have no opportunity to accuse her. She explains that Wilson was the one who sabotaged the facility, and Shepard responds that she’d suspected him since she first met him. Which I guess is true insofar as she’s suspected everyone.

Miranda isn’t happy that Jacob spilled the beans about working for Cerberus, and tells us that we need to go speak with The Illusive Man to learn more about what’s going on and why we’ve been brought back.

Mom: Okay I don’t like this chick.

Me: Yeah?

Mom: Yeah! She’s got this really obnoxious way about her, like she thinks she’s hot shit. You’re no one special, honey!

At least she hates Miranda for character traits that she actually possesses.

We hop in the shuttle and head for the facility where we’ll be meeting The Illusive Man. Miranda wants to ask us a few questions about our past to confirm that our memory is in tact. Jacob asks us about what we did on Torfan and Shepard immediately ends the conversation. Perhaps he touched a nerve?

Oh god now I’m coming up with crazy backstories.

With Saren defeated, Shepard approaches the console and opens the Citadel’s arms. Sovereign is now vulnerable to attack.

We receive a transmission from the Destiny Ascension. They’re requesting assistance, stating that the Council is on board. Kaidan and Garrus both voice their opinion on the matter. Garrus asserts that the only way to save the galaxy is to sacrifice the Council and focus all of our resources on Sovereign. Kaidan disagrees and insists that saving the Council is the right move. Joker eagerly awaits Shepard’s orders.

He keeps waiting a while.

Mom is answering an email on her computer. I politely wait.

After about five minutes I get bored and start reading a book.

Five minutes later, her eyes wander over to the TV screen.

Mom: Oh jeez! Were you waiting on me? I thought we were done with the game after we killed Saren.

Me: Oh, no, we’ve got a little bit more to go.

Mom: Wow, I’m sorry. What are we doing here?

Me: They want to know if you want to use some of your army to save the government leaders of the galaxy, or if you want to sacrifice them and devote everything to attacking Sovereign.

Mom: Pff, let ‘em die! What good are they to me? I’m gonna keep killing people until there’s no one but me and my boyfriend left in the galaxy. Then he’ll have no choice but to love me.

Me: …

Kaidan: Sacrificing the Council for the greater good? I hope you know what you’re doing, Shepard.

Mom: Oh what, you don’t like it? Screw you.

Me: So, there are several things we can do in this area to help out the distraction team. Do you want to do them?

Mom: Pff, no. I don’t have time for that.

Me: Okay.

Mom: I’ve got my eye on only one target.

Me: Saren?

Mom: The base of Ashley’s spine.